The boy with a name...

So mother's day has come and gone, Gran and Opa have arrived, and the summer is here. We have a name: Samwise Erwin Kelly Wallner . . . We have begun his self defence training - first day of school is only 4 years away. Every day he is a little more alert, and a little bigger. It seems as though almost every day we are putting more clothes in the "too small" pile. I don't want to be the bragging father, but my daughter can sing the alphabet!! That seems very significant to me. Although, I should also mention that she likes to eat rocks.

Sam had his first date. Miori came over with her daughter Mona. They held hands for a while and laughed...or at least we thought thats what they were doing. Emma has quite enjoyed getting to know her grandparents again, hard to say who is on the steeper learning curve.

Sam

Quite unbelievably, the boy's name has yet to be resolved. We are close, sort of. Can it be this difficult? On one hand you really want to pay tribute to the great family members that got you to this point in your life. On the other hand, you don't need your kid being beat up at school. I would have loved to named our son after my father, he is a great man, but that's my name, and that doesn't work. Tara has some strong ideas. We are not on the same page. We had found it so easy with Jack Gordon and Emma Rose. The crazy thing is that we were really ill prepared in every way for the early arrival those kids. We anticipated Sam to be early!! We had the bag packed!! This last week Sam has changed so much. He has suddenly started to look around trying to figure out what is going on...he has BIG eyes, I would love to know what colour that they are going to be. He certainly knows what/who he doesn't like! Tara and Sam have been working on "tummy time" and laying in the sun. Tara says that it is practice for our vacations?! Opa and Gran are on their way home from 6 months in Texas. Imagine, they haven't seen their latest grandson. They are returning to a different world. Emma runs and yells, enough said.

Emma

Emma is getting heavy to carry around. She is getting to be a girl, no longer a baby. She has grown so much and has become so much faster, walking and talking. Tara stays beautiful, and rolls with what comes her way. Me? I am getting grey through my facial hair. Emma often wonders off and can be heard singing and laughing happily her own. For the uninitiated, we have a cat that isn't friendly, at all. Ask most people and they will tell you about a confrontation that they have had at some point with Oreo. However, cat and daughter seem to have struck some strange balance in our home. At times she is found banging out instructions at the cat or chasing him yelling"rat cat". Imagine the disbelief when Tara discovered her the other day playing dress up with him. Emma's enthusiasm seems to have extended to being outside lately. It used to be that she wanted to be in someones car, that was her version of being outside. Now, she is often at the front door asking if it is time to go for a walk. At these times it gets so hard to not drop everything and head out the door. We live in the middle of Newmarket. We are surrounded by walking paths that take you to parks and along the river, and through the woods. The other day Tara and I decided to take Sam and Emma on a family walk, to the Ford dealer. This is what my perfect family would do on a Saturday afternoon. Emma had the time of her life running in the beds of the pick ups and trying to get into all of the cars. Sam spent the time in his baby byorn his face mashed into my chest. Tara said that he was hiding his face in shame. His road to life-long embarrassment by his family members has only just started.

Where did the time go?

Wow, so we had figured that once we were settled in the blog we could manage to do this weekly. So much for that...Things are busy around here. The spring is typically really busy around here, the property maintenance company does the switch from snow to grass. It is almost as though you would be setting up a new company every spring. Of course with the construction company, people emerge from their homes, look around and realize they will need help. Tara stays on the move with Sam(still with no full name), and I get to spend a lot of time with Emma Rose. Having a healthy girl around is wonderful.

Her words and sentences are coming in at a startling pace. We continue to welcome guests of all kinds. We had Rui and his wonderful kids come in a bring us brunch. Uncle John, Carol and Sabrina brought curry for dinner. We are surrounded by beautiful people. For the record we anticipate this to continue. Even after the kids are grown and left the house.

The first wave

Saturday arrived with a flurry of phone calls. It seems that everyone has figured out that we are at home and could use a visit. First auntie Julie and her boy, Lucas, came out from Peterborough for a visit. A lesson to anyone who is thinking of coming to visit: Julie came with a lasagna and salad. Jeff, if you are paying attention, that is how a great house guest arrives! Shortly after lunch some of Emma's favourite people drifted in: the Hollefriends. Grammy and Poppa, Devin(dragging girlfriend Emma), Keigan, Rachel and Maggie. Rachel and Maggie took Emma for a walk. She was in heaven, telling the girls stories and showing them all of here favourite spots. Finally our wonderful neighbours, Alex, Connie, Steph(dragging best friend Sam) made their way over. We are very lucky to have such great neighbours. Steph, got her introduction to Sam. As our official babysitter, it was important to get her feet wet with him.

Uncle Dug

If you know Emma at all you know that she is something of a gear head. She loves everything mechanical. When we go for a drive, she is more than happy to point out every car that we pass. If we see a blue Dodge minivan, its uncle Jeff's, a silver one, its auntie buddy's, and so on. If there is a bus ANYWHERE in sight, you will know about it. Well, on Friday Tara took Emma to the King City firehall see her uncle Dug at work. Typical Dug style, he held nothing back. Not only did he dress up in the full bunker gear, but she got to get behind the wheel of every truck and "drive". At one point they ran the siren and the lights, and they actually took a truck around the parking lot. Dad should have gone to partake in the fun...Also in Dug style he made sure that the other uncles knew the score by teaching her "uncle Dug rocks".

Thursday - catching up

Wow, suddenly keeping up with the posts has become a much harder task. Around here we are finding our "sea legs". It is times like this week that I feel really fortunate that I have flexibility in my work schedule, and a great team that are likely more comfortable without me getting in the way. Of course, that dream hits the wall when I realize that source deductions need to be submitted to "the man" today...dream over.

Along with her improved health, Emma's appetite has made a welcome return. Emma's eating has been off for months. I can't speak for what it is like in other households, but in our family food is always a big priority. Its really hard trying to come to terms with the feeling that I can't feed my daughter. It drives me to distraction. Now, I may have created a completely different problem, she has taken on dad's worst habit, the need to constantly graze. When we get in the van together and the first thing that she says is "bagel?". I begin to realize that I need to change my ways. The weather this week has been great so we have been able to get outside as a family, which has been nice. Yesterday Emma asked to hold Sam for the first time. It went better than expected. You just need to make sure that you are ready when she announces that she has had enough. Since then, she has held him a number of times after asking mom. This weekend is our last opportunity to assemble Sam's full name. Neither of us can believe that this saga continues. I can only imagine what he will think when he is older and realizes that his parents couldn't find a name for him for the first 3 weeks of his life. Sam is an interesting baby. I have discussed his grumpiness. That is certainly something that has stuck with him. The constant grumbling makes me wonder if he will ever grow out of it. Its not like he has been subjected to the Liberal party dark years yet in his life time, of course I hadn't thought of Dalton...The other unique thing that he does is flash his hands around. It constantly makes someone comment that he looks like he is practicing his marshal arts. This has got my wonderfully creative wife to believe that we should call him Samurai...

the first weekend

Well, the first weekend was an exercise in sleep depravation. Sam is fine, like a clock, every 4 hrs he needs the boob. Emma, as it turns out, didn't want to sleep through a night. Since Thursday, Tara and I seemed to be up at the same times with each kid. The sun coming through the morning window has been harder to take as the days move on. Emma seems to be back on track now and life should run a little smoother. I keep getting told that I now have a millionaires family... is that because you need to be a millionaire to reclothe the 2nd kid? I look around our house and everything is frilly and pink. As uncle Dug always says, frilly and pink is fine in your own home, but not cool when you walk into the fire hall. The closest thing that I can find to an explanation is this: "rich man's family" or "choix du roi" One son--to inherit and rule the estate...no brothers are needed to work the fields or run the business (because you're rich) so best deal is not to have second and third sons who will not receive a birthright and will skulk around, envious, making trouble One daughter--to marry a powerful ally's son and spread your power and influence

No pressure on the kids there.

Sam seems to have settled in well. He seems equally grumbly here as he did at the hospital. He has the amazing ability to sleep at any point, in any position. His patented move is to expend all of his energy showing you how much he hates getting his bum changed that can't stay awake for the feeding. Sam and I finally got to spend some time together. I find myself asking Tara questions about his behaviour since I am not familiar with him at all. With Emma, Tara and I shared time at the hospital looking in on her, and when the time came we shared feeding responsibilities. Emma at first seemed rather indifferent, now however, she wants to check on Sam, make sure he has a blanket and a hat on. We were visited by all of Emma's favourite people: uncle Jeff, Grandma, auntie Erin and Jen and of

course Mo Jo. Mary, with all of her free time made a little

something for Emma. She now spends almost every waking minute with her hat and purse. She is in great spirits these days, back to being a wonderful, funny, curious girl who loves to sing. On Saturday uncle Jeff and I took Emma truck shopping. She was over the moon to be jumping in and out of the backs of trucks with Jeff. While I took hours in the sales office, the two of them ran all over the parking lot. Everyone needs a little more uncle Jeff in their life.

Friday

In the car seat test, the baby is strapped into the seat and has to remain there for 1.5hrs. While he sits there all of his vitals continued to be monitored. Late last night Sam passed his seat test. He could now be discharged. We quickly assembled the plan of when he would be up for food in the morning, I would be there to transfer him back into the seat, this time for the ride home. Have we discussed the boy's grumbling? He doesn't like to be, you know, touched...talked to loudly, looked at wrong...Tara and the nurses find it very funny because he is just like his father. A room full of crazy people is what I am faced with at every visit. At home there is no space set for the boy yet. Piles of boxes and plastic storage bins are where his crib is to be. Tara called me on my way out of the door. There had been a shift change at the hospital and the new nurse had decided that since I had sent the car seat refitted with a head support that was made for small babies that don't fit properly in the standard factory head support, she had deemed it not a valid test and that it had to be redone. It meant that I had an hour and a half to sit with the boy and his mom. After another 1.5hrs of being strapped to the chair, we were finally free to head home, with Sam. Getting home was emotional for us, maybe not so much for the boy, he slept. Emma seemed happier to have the family hanging out in the kitchen again.

Wednesday - The rockstar returns

Emma cried when her mom picked her up from Rose Anne's today. My family in pieces is bringing me down. Our happy girl cries a lot these days. When I built the house, the run toward our Christmas move in date was a time that I had never wanted to repeat. Emma was 5 months old, Tara was homeless with her new daughter, and I was separated from my family, for more nights than I care to remember, as I worked toward getting it done. Its like we are doing it all over again.

I forgot how much energy a healthy daughter has. She wants to walk/dance/run and sing/talk/yell. It is wonderful. Of course, grocery shopping with Uncle Mike was priceless, as I watched him chase her around as she decided the chase game was fun through the crowds and up and down the isles, the entire time taking things off of t

he shelves and showing them to him. The guys are all back working at the house this week. That seems to get Emma's(Dad's) mind off of no Mom. Tara came home this afternoon. It actually nice to be in the office with her there. The norm would be one of us storming out on the other. Some information for you in case you find yourself rummaging through the fridge for something to eat. Breast milk is fine in a fridge 6 days. Frozen in fridge freezer is good for 3 months, double that for chest freezers. After thawing it is good for 3 days. Tuesday night, as a family, we went to the hospital. This is

Emma's first return since early last week. She ran on the "ceiling fan" on the floor before going in to "talk to the ladies". She still struts in like she owns the place, and the lady's still come out of the wood work to fuss over her and get her to do/say something inappropriate. #2250 is the extension for the desk at the NICU if you ever feel that Emma has been inappropriate in some way and ask for Sandy...

Sam in the mean time has taken to his new feeding ritual. He is again on the course of positive weight gain and now above his birth weight. We brought Sam's car seat in with us. This will be the final test for him to pass. We are closer.

Monday, Tuesday

So I woke up Monday morning with pressure in my chest and a scratchy throat. I am sick. Can this keep happening? With our houses on going sickness we continue on the routine that we have managed for the last week plus. When possible, I meet tara for lunch at the hospital cafeteria, at night, after I put Emma to bed, I bring Tara's dinner to the hospital. We meet at the entrance, update each other, and return to our places. Of course today Tara got the special gift of office work. Unfortunately, she is only on maternity leave from one of her jobs. Emma will tell you, Monday Mandy comes and puts water on the floor. At times I start to believe that the greatest person in the world for both of my girls is Mandy. Its fun to see Emma so jazzed about house cleaning. I am told that this is a "stage" and that it won't last. Of course she is still finding eggs around the house from her weekend hunt. Tuesday is Emma's first day back at Rose Annes for quite some time. I think that she had a long day. She was happy to return home. Exhausted. It stretched her past her limits to get her through a bath, only to find at bedtime that her 'dolly' had been left behind at daycare. At the hospital Sam is doing really well, the nurses have removed his feeding tube. His food intake is dependant on boob and bottle now. As a result, his weight has been neutral for a bit. His release now seems to be more hampered by my progress rather than his. Dad letting him down this early in life...pattern of things to come.

Saturday and Sunday

Time moves slowly forward here. Dad and daughter hold fast at the family compound and mom gets to spend her time at the hospital. Saturday grandma went home, the girl and I had a long afternoon walk to the local construction site to stand on the backhoes and we visited our neighbours Alex and Connie to watch some car racing. At the hospital, the lad had his first bath on Friday night. Sunday, after a long morning nap, Emma and I headed to the hospital to see baby Sam for the first time in 5 days. Emma and I still keep our distance and kept the visit short, but it was incredible to see him again. We all had lunch together. We came home for a easter egg hunt and dinner with grandma. Sunday night, Tara bathed him for the first time. Watching him then it struck me that he is very long and skinny. Man, he gets angry with the baths. As soon as mom swaddles him, he is calm. We are trying to encourage his feedings to be by bottle and boob only these days. This is a huge step, as the feeding tube is the last real tether to the hospital. As of Sunday night he was very close to his birth weight.

Thursday and Friday

Thursday morning Emma's fever continues to dog her and bring her down. It is shocking to see her with no energy and not chatting away non stop. The running nose and brutal cough have eased which is a bit of a relief. After a visit to the doctor Emma is diagnosed with a cold and her third ear infection this year and given antibiotics again. We are unable to go to the hospital, and for the balance of the day dad and daughter lay low and try to catch up on sleep. In the evening uncle Jeff comes by and for the first time in days I see a smile on Emma's face. At the hospital, Tara is recovered, but going crazy from not getting to see the rest of the family. Sam continues to explore what will likely be his life long obsession with the breast. Friday is a holiday in these parts, so that warrants a visit from Grandma. Emma and Dad have a nice, long uninterrupted sleep. Breaking the quarantine, I met Tara and the Ellison clan, with Wendy in tow for a late lunch out on the patio at the hospital. The weather this week has been amazing, I wonder if it will be the nicest week of the year. Today, Sam has finally had the IV removed and has faced his first bath. He likes boobs better. Returning to the house, I see that although Emma may not be running at full power, she still can control Grandma.

Samurai Kellie?

Welcome to the evolution of the wee lads name. Obviously a work in progress...Wednesday brings great stuff with Sam, bad stuff with the others. As the beautiful day crawls on mom is on the mend, dad is a mess with a bad stomach and severe lack of sleep and Emma returned early from daycare. The night before she had kept dad and uncle Mike up with some vomiting and caughing. She had woken up with no signs of illness and was sent off to Rose-Anns. In retrospect, if dad had not had impaired judgement he likely would have kept his girl home with him!! At this point she clearly has a bad cold and needs more attention. That leaves mom at the hospital on her own 24 hrs a day while Emma and dad are in isolation. The last visit that I had with Sam he was quietly waiting for food with his eyes open and watching everything. I am unsure when I will see him again and get more pictures. Right now I need to get Emma on her feet running again.

Sam

Tuesday was another big day around here. Of course, it was uncle Bruce's birthday, which Emma was very excited about and got to tell him so all morning. At the hospital, Tara was getting the all too familiar symptoms that indicate she will be sick for the balance of the day(a condition that she has had to cope with since I have known her). In addition to mom, Dad had managed to give himself a bit of food poisoning, which didn't help matters. Despite the obvious weakness of his parents Sam continues to march forward in his quest to leave the hospital. I came to the hospital late morning for a feeding. I held him while the increased portion of breast milk was slowly dripped into his stomach. Tara had managed to sleep in a little, so she arrived in time to choose his blanket for his move to his first real bed. This is the last progression in the NICU. At this point he is all about sleeping and weight gain. He is still on the IV. The nurses are very eager to phase this out. One reason is that he has had positive weight gain for at least 24 hrs which is a very positive step. The other reason is that he has not been bathed since birth. The nurses today, Sandy and Debra have been with us from Jack forward. Debra had been with us when Jack passed away and of course Sandi showed up shortly after both offering/looking for comfort and support. They, along with Karen, Pat, Debbie, Jennifer, Cheryl even Michelle have looked out for us from the beginning and are a comforting sign(in their own way) for us when we see their faces. We chose a blanket and an outfit, all items that had been donated to/from the hospital, and for the first time he was swaddled and happily slept in a real bed. For the next few feedings he woke and took some milk from mom, smiled and relaxed. How does it get better than that?

Monday part 2

Things continue to move forward today, as our son has a fresh new sign hanging at his isolet...Sam, at last. I got there a little latter, Emma seems as though she had a running nose tonight, and can no longer come in to see mom and brother. We finally took a bunch of pictures. Uncle Bruce is coming up tonight to make us all dinner, so Tara is coming back with me for the event. Sam had his first draw in mom today. Big open mouth and a good latch. Amazing how the little things have become huge events. To date he seems to have lost a little more than 1o% of his initial weight. That seems fairly normal. At Emma's last visit she began asking on our way to the hospital if she could talk to the "ladies"(the nurses). She spend more time with them around the NICU and in the office than with mom and dad. She likes to say "bye ladies" on the way out the door.

Monday the new day

On the upside, it has been fairly direct road of progression so far. I hate the fact that I can't enjoy it more. However, if I could offer ANY advice to anyone in a similar situation, it would be watch the nurses. No, Bruce, I don't mean LIKE THAT!!! If you spend anytime in the NICU initially you sit there staring at your kid, wishing them better. After a while of watching the heaving torso from the laboured breathing and the twitching from developing systems, your eyes always gravitate to the monitors. The monitors are part of the machinery that your kid is tethered to. They show the heart rate, breathing rate, and the amount of oxygen being absorbed. It has lots of numbers, lights, and alarms. The machine is constantly reporting bad news in the early days. You can easily bring yourself to the edge by sitting and watching the machine. At times the perceived level of indifference when the machine is going off will send you up the wall. Usually the culprits are the contacts. I turns out that the kids move, and some love to tear at the wires. The bottom line is that you should be watching your kid, and only be concerned when the nurses are. I have been forgetting this rule...

Ultimately Today is a big day around here. The boy got moved into a regular "isolet". Having your kid inside the plexi glass box doesn't seem like an improvement, in fact quite the opposite. However it now means that he is stable, requiring much less attention from the nurses, and can now focus on resting. Not being around the big machines help the parents relax a little. Today, the lights are still on to

lower his billie count, so his eyes are covered and he has a small tube across his nose for the assisted breathing, but he no longer has the massive tubing from the CPAP and for one of the first times he has no hat on. He has a fair amount of hair. Mom got to hold him skin to skin today. Massive step for us all. He continues to accept very small bits of breast milk in an effort to get him transitioned off of the cocktail that is stuck in his foot or arm. Our Emma Ros

e continues to be the amazing kid she has been through out. She is finding it hard only seeing her mom a couple of times a day, but has become something of a rock star within the NICU. When she shows up and struts her way to the end of the room to see her brother, the nurses continue to make a fuss over her. She is a breath of fresh air. At home,

she is less comfortable with just dad and Uncle Mike all day. She sticks to dad like glue and is very upset if he is out of sight. Work is an impossibility.

The weekend

Well, this weekend was about stabilizing the boy, getting into a routine and finding a name. We had lots of family this weekend. We finally got to hold "Tres". He is however becoming stronger and better at pulling off his CPAP, and as a result requires constant monitoring and adjustments. Tara is doing much better. She got discharged from the huge room that she was enjoying and now taking up residence in the "hospitality room". If the name has a spa-like ring to it for you, opening the door might bring a startling level of disappointment. Every 3 hours she gets up, pumps and sits with the wee man. We managed a family picture this weekend, which was nice. The nurses are trying to get his stomach to take food by giving it tiny drops through a tube that goes to his stomach. After letting it sit they draw a sample back out to see if it has begun to digest food. At this point everyone is on board with the name the boy challenge that we have going. I would love to pay tribute to Opa with a German name, but they are soo angry sounding.

Day 2

For me day 2 is a nightmare. After Jack was born, I remember sitting in a chair in the room with Tara surrounded by family and friends, just rubbing my head saying that I wasn't going to make it through this. The NICU for us is a part of having kids. We know the routine. We have a group of nurses that we easily call friends. However, that doesn't make it any less horrible on the second day. The "thrill" of the delivery has worn off. We are now faced with sitting for hours trying to support and bond with our son from a distance. The trouble is that he is covered in wires and tubes and you can't hold him. At this point he has now got enough cognitive abilities and strength to let you know how horrible it is. I can't believe that at this point the baby(now nicknamed "tres") still doesn't have a name. It makes it harder to bond. The nurses tell me that he is strong and doing good. The big job ahead is to get his lungs up and running. He never received the steroid that assist his lungs to dry out properly. For now he is on the CPAP. Can I tell you how much he hates that thing stuck in his nose. All of our friends and family have been stepping up. We are getting so many e-mails and calls and visits. Emma has been so good. She is quite happy to see "the ladys" at the hospital, and "the baby". However the days are long and keeping her on schedule is challenging her.